found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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