I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
