last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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