Will you blow on my dice?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
