dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
