my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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