I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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