I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
