I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
