JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
