I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
operation harelip BJ is a go
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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