I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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