The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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