Only a mothe r could love this liver
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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