She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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