i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
