I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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