I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
