i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
