We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
