I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize