No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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