Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
