that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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