i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
