As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
