currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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