I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
