Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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