who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
