I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
