Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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