i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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