sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
