We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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