I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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