I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
