I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
