For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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