Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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