Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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