he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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