I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
