Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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