So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
