can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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