tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
