Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize