it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
