also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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