jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
