i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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