Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
