somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
