Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Let's get the cat blown out
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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