At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
