so that wasnt chicken after all
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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