Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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