she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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