the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
