That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
