this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
