i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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