You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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