just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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