Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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