I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
