I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
