I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
