I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
