So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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