people are starting to question the shark bite story
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Less talking, more tequila
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
