I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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