i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
