I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
