im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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