i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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