Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
