first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
