everyone is single if you try hard enough
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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